06/08/07

If there is too much information in your head you can feel confused or you can overreact on some things. I’ve reached the stage where if I overreact or if I bite people’s heads of, I know I’m doing it. That’s really annoying because even though I know it, I can’t stop myself. It helps to apoligize right after it happens, then you don’t have to feel so guilty about doing it.

Just to say that because your mind is in overdrive, you act and react in a different way. It’s really fascinating to see yourself doing things that you are aware of but that you don’t want to do.
So writing really helps for me. Because of this overdrive my mood changes constantly. It’s hard sometimes but also good in a weird kind of way. Because if something good happens, you’re over the moon about it. So that means if you look at the bright things, you still have a lot of happy moments even if you’re blue or not feeling well,…

You have to know that everything that I explain here takes a lot of selfcontrol. I’m an expert in it. Maybe even to the extreme, but that’s my problem not yours. It also helps you to read people, well, I call it reading people…it means to see if someone is good inside or has good intentions or if something is wrong or bad about a person. If I meet new people I can tell if I will like them or if it’s best to stay away from them. Because bad people or people with bad karma can drain the energy right out of you. That’s not good, so I avoid them. But on the other hand if you meet people with whom you really click, you receive energy and you give them back your energy too. That’s what makes a bond between people. Maybe I’ll explain some more later.

I want to explain personal space to you. This is a part of your soul. Everything in your soul is stored in an order of somekind. So to visualise it, good things on one side and bad things on the other side. Traumatic things, sad things, everything has it’s place.


When you find yourself in a situation for the first time, it happens, and then the memory fades and calms down and then it get’s a place in your soul and in your memories. Now traumatic things, or actually all the real heavy emotions take longer to settle down. So they get a place inside but aren’t quite yet all bundled into one space, they sort of hang in between spaces for a longer time. This is because our mind needs a lot more time to process and close these feelings. And they are more fragile too. You know how you can remember things or have memories about something?

Well, it’s much easier to trigger the heavy emotions then the normal ones. So if you see or hear anything that reminds you of one of your heavy feelings, you remember it all over again and they seem more alive then the regular ones. That is because they aren’t closed yet.

So in this way you can find out which issues your mind has still got problems with to process. Normally you will work on those problem cases and so they will settle down easier until there are none left. Then you are completely free of mind. Mind you that this isn’t easy. Only few people manage to do this.

You may ask yourself, how do you ‘work’ on these things? That’s the hard part actually. Some people go to a psychologist to help them work trough their issues. And it helps in most of the cases. Maybe I’ll do it too, you can see it as a step between things, to help you resolve your stuff. There is a point to all of this! I wanted to tell you about a bubble. I’ll explain.

Some people (it’s rare and appears with people who have a lot of imagination). So they create a bubble around them, no not a wall because in the bubble things can come in and go out. This bubbe protects them and also holds control over things. All the good things and even little bad things and things that can be kept under control can come into the bubble and leave the bubble without any kind of problem. But, and this is a big ‘but’, if there is a situation where they don’t have control over something then the bubble protects them and doesn’t let it in, it blocks negative influences.

So they live in their own protected world, because they decide what get’s in and what stays outside and naturally that way bad things stay outside. This is not healthy but it is a waty of living and most of the time they can pull it off living like that. They can always do what they want, when they want and get what they want.

If you live for years and years in this bubble, then it seems like there is no turning back. Most people learn how to deal with stuff at young age but bubblepeople don’t because the bubble doesn’t let them. So later they realise in one way or another that they can’t keep living in this bubble because that’s not reality. So they have to try and make the bubble more fragile so more real things can come in, and bad things too.

This is really hard to do because they aren’t used to living in the real world and they will freak out a lot in the beginning. Because when they encounter a situation where something goes wrong or really bad and they can’t get away from it, it’s a really huge problem for them. They will try to get away from it, kicking and screaming if necessary…and then if they can’t get away from it they will start to overreact! But in a big way. It’s because as I said they’re not used to bad things happening like that and they don’t know how to handle it, so they flip completely in their minds.



It is’t a good thing but they have to keep working on it.
They have to because life is life and not they’re own created perfect world. It isn’t reality they live in. It’s peacefull, nice and quite and relaxing yes that’s trough. So you can see what they’re thinking, why leave this perfect, harmonious world? And that is the reason why it is so hard to try and live in a grown-up world, they can’t keep avoiding life, well real life that is.

So you can work on the problems you have, even the hard ones.
The first thing that you have to do is realise that you have a problem and what it is exactly and then accept that you have it. This is hard to do but you’ll feel better if you do it, it’s a step closer to knowing yourself.

Second thing is that every time you encounter a part of your problem (ex. In daily situations), recognize it, learn to know when you see it, when it’s happening.
Third thing that you have to do is the next time you recognize it, see it, try to alter the circomstances, try to find another way of dealing with it. This is the hardest part but once you’ve found a way, try to hold on to it, so that you can, in step 4, use it again everytime that something happens. This way you’re solving your original problem and making yourself stronger and more aware of yourself.

As most things in life this isn’t going to be easy and certainly aren’t going to be fixed in a small period of time. It all depends a lot on yourself, how you handle it and how persistant that you are.

You know, I’m writing this stuff down from inside of my head and I’m thinking, you can learn a lot from yourself. Because it’s always easier to give advice then to follow your own.